How to Quit WANTING Alcohol

My Daughter’s Cliff’s Notes of “This Naked Mind”

My last Substack post was on how I’ve just read Annie Grace’s book, This Naked Mind.

With the meteoric rise in addiction since 2020, and many people close to me affected, I decided to give up my Saturday night wine, and go public with it.

(Accountability is good! And all my friends I see on Saturday nights, and will attend my upcoming birthday party, can see my commitment.)

I also offered each of my children $1,000 to read the book. One of my daughters read it in 24 hours, and wrote her Cliff’s Notes, with some personal commentary, which I share here, with her permission.

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All she had to do is call me, and tell me one thing she learned from each chapter, but she’s an “extra miler” who does all the extra credit in college. 😂

(I also bribed my children to watch content on the vaccines, and call me and tell me 10 things they learned from the videos and written content I asked them to review, by doctors and scientists. This daughter called and told me 20 things, instead of 10.)

Libby’s Review of This Naked Mind:

Alcohol is the only drug on earth that you have to justify not drinking.

Chapter 1: 

• Emotional pain manifests as physical pain. Pain often stems from emotions rather than a physical injury.

• The unconscious mind drives your emotions and desires. 

• Logic and reasoning stem from the conscious mind.

• But confirmation bias helps you sort through information, to curate that which confirms what your unconscious already believes. It’s a perceived reality.

Chapter 2:

• False belief: inability to stop drinking has to do with a lack of willpower. 

• In fact, someone’s genetic makeup will never doom them to becoming an addict. You can’t become an alcoholic or an addict, if you never use alcohol, cocaine, or cigarettes. 

• Claiming to be an alcoholic makes it easier, because people will assist and support you, if you claim you have a disease. 

• As humans we tend to feel that we are in control, until something scary tells us that we’re not. 

Chapter 3:

• The pitcher plant analogy: insects are attracted to the intoxicating pitcher plant, they get “drunk” on its nectar, and end up in the dead bodies of insects in the sticky goo, at the base of the plant.

• The more we struggle, the more stuck we become.

• Alcohol is addictive, and “tolerance” grows over time. [Note from Robyn: even though I drink once a week, the amount I’ve been drinking on Saturday nights the last couple of years would make me drunk, when I was 43, and brand new to it.]

• Once we begin to drink, we begin the slow slide into addiction. 

Chapter 4:

• You assume because of how regularly you and others drink, it’s just habitual, not addictive. 

• Habits are less threatening than problems. 

• Alcohol causes the brain to think less. You drink without thinking about it… therefore it’s easier to lose “control.” 

• If drinking were just a habit, it would be far easier to give up. 

Chapter 5:

• We know more than ever about addiction and drugs, yet addiction is on the rise. 

• Youth today drink far more than those in the 80’s. 

• Drinking is like removing the red indicator light on your car’s dashboard–but it’s in your immune system.

• Alcohol makes us think it’s normal to feel “shitty.” We come to accept chronic exhaustion. 

• Stressors multiply, because alcohol is just avoidance.

Chapter 6:

• Most people don’t tend to like the taste of alcohol at first. Need to acquire the taste. [Libby’s note: I personally did enjoy the taste of beer, from day 1. But it is a great point because it is still awful for you. Robyn’s note: I hated the taste of all alcohol the first time, and still do. Conclusion: only some of us “acquire the taste.”]

• Our sense of smell and taste is vital to survival. [Libby’s note: I react with disgust, to the smell of liquor.] 

• Alcohol destroys the liver and immune system and is tied to over 60 diseases. 

• Throwing up saves our lives from alcohol poisoning–it’s a survival mechanism. Yet it’s worn as badge of honor, at companies and universities and groups of friends. 

• Alcohol deadens the taste buds. 

Chapter 7:

• We’ve been indoctrinated to believe 1 to 3 drinks a day benefits our health. [Libby’s note: I’ve heard a glass of wine a night is good for your heart. Robyn’s note: I apparently missed some stuff, in my education of my kids.] 

• Articles saying alcohol is healthy, with few legitimate sources, get far more shares and likes, than scientific articles about alcohol being unhealthy: “confirmation bias,” we retain the information that matches what our unconscious mind believes. 

• Overall harm factor of alcohol is 72, and it’s the highest-scoring harmful drug, worse than crack. 

• 88,000 alcohol related deaths yearly in U.S., highest rate of any drug.

• Drinking alcohol has zero heart-health benefits. [Robyn’s note: Dr. Huberman says you’d have to drink volumes of red wine to get enough resveratrol to matter.]

• Alcohol can affect brain structure and cells, mood, etc…abstinence can reverse these effects. 

• Even small doses of alcohol increase cancer risk and reduces life expectancy up to 10-12 years. 

Chapter 8:

• Alcohol numbs your senses, which numbs fear–it’s not “liquid courage.” Your fears serve you well, warning you of things you actually SHOULD be concerned about. 

• Alcohol kills 1,692 people per week.

• Alcohol doesn’t make you brave because it makes you less aware of natural instincts. Stupid, rather than brave.  

• “You can’t be brave without fear.” Bravery is overcoming fear. There is no bravery in using alcohol to numb fear. 

Chapter 9: 

• Alcohol is marketed so well that it builds a system that makes us very easily susceptible to alcohol addictions. It’s a trap. 

• Marketers play on the human’s desire for more.

• Alcohol ads sell an end to loneliness, sadness; marketing sells relationships, friendship, etc.

• Alcohol is the most unregulated drug on the market. 

• Alcohol increases sexual dysfunction. And inhibits creativity. But it is marketed as the opposite. 

• Marketing works by affecting your subconscious rather than your conscious logical mind. Outlandish, ridiculous ads still have an effect on our subconscious even when we consciously write them off.  

• The fine-wine ritual is just for social standing. Even professional wine connoisseurs, in studies, can’t tell the difference between super-cheap and super-expensive wines.

• Friends don’t like when you quit, because it brings awareness to their own struggles. 

Chapter 10: 

• Alcohol doesn’t make us do things better (sex, social interactions, etc.) It just numbs inhibitions and nerves. 

• Inhibitions protect us from doing and saying things we normally wouldn’t or shouldn’t. This creates risky and awkward situations. 

• Sexual assault in universities is at an all time high, epidemic levels. It’s not generally planned, and is often due to abuse of alcohol. 

• 60% of STD’s and STI’s are a result of alcohol-fueled sex with strangers. Lowering inhibitions also lowering cautions and safety (sex, driving, etc).

Chapter 11: 

• The key to quitting alcohol is to face why and how you descended into a dependency on alcohol. [Robyn’s note: I may drink only on Saturday night, but I’m willing to face my “dependency,” and stop minimizing it.]

• Culturally, we work hard to raise our tolerance to alcohol.

• Once aware of the problem, the part of your brain that wants to quit and the part of your brain that wants to drink are at odds with each other. This creates a pattern of self-loathing. 

• It is empowering to give yourself credit for your successes, rather than the alcohol. 

Chapter 12: 

• People use alcohol to relieve stress and anxiety. Soon, finding dependency on alcohol to relax, though alcohol only mutes the stressors. 

• Drinking to relieve problems treats the symptoms of stress, rather than the causes–like all drugs. 

• Alcohol makes you LESS capable of handling and dealing with anxiety and stress, according to a 2012 study. This is because you build a reliance on the alcohol to numb the stressors and anxiety. 

• Alcohol is a short-term solution to a stressor, therefore prolonging the issue. 

• Alcohol increases sexual urges, yet limits sensations.

Chapter 13: 

• Those who choose “spontaneous sobriety” are 4-7x more successful than those in AA.

• Only 1 in 15 individuals in AA find success quitting alcohol! AA tends to have a daily focus on being an “alcoholic.” [Libby’s note: I find this interesting. When I chose to quit, I refused to ever define myself as an alcoholic, because I was unwilling to let alcohol define me.]

• Cognitive dissonance, our internal conflict: we don’t want to drink, but still rely on it. We justify and rationalize behavior to feel in control. 

• Spontaneous sobriety is successful when the choice is made with the entire mind. 

Chapter 14: 

• Though alcohol is advertised as a tool to happiness, it is tied to situations and  events that cause pain for drinkers and those around drinkers. 

• 75% of child deaths due to abuse are tied to abusers who struggle with alcohol addiction. 

• It’s not the alcohol that makes people happy. It's the absence of alcohol that makes people very, very sad. 

• Your mind is extremely powerful; what you believe will be true. (For better or worse.)

• The more you drink, the harder it is to deal with your problems. The pain will seem worse than before. 

Chapter 15: 

• Craving is an extremely strong illogical desire to use the drug. Even when you don’t want to use it. It can be hard to think about anything else other than the drug. 

• The cycle of addiction: addicts seek out the drug to relieve the symptoms of the lack of the drug (withdrawal).

• The relief of the withdrawal makes us realize that the drug “makes us happier/ more relaxed” but that feeling wouldn’t be there in the first place, if you never tried the drug. 

• The unconsciousness mind believes the drug is the solution to the problem (misery, etc.) it creates. 

• By drinking to avoid problems we procrastinate dealing with our stressors, and minor inconveniences become a mountain of problems. 

• The mental desire (craving) is the strongest part of the addiction. Simply because we relieve the desire for alcohol. Just ordering the drink relieves this before the drug even affects us. 

Chapter 16: 

• Because alcohol is in almost all social situations, we start to believe it is the key to enjoying social situations. 

• The antidote to addiction is companionship. [Libby’s note: Interesting, the treatment center I worked at was relationship based. Using relationships to heal addiction and trauma for young men.]

• Alcohol making social settings more fun is a placebo effect. It is our belief that it has that power, that gives it that power. 

• “BOOZY GROUNDHOG DAY”--very accurate, life becomes hazy. [Libby’s note: I went to the Ohana Festival with  my brother and sister, fully sober. It was the most fun, memorable trip I’ve taken in my adult life. And I didn’t feel like I was missing out whatsoever. I’ve never felt such pure bliss as listening to my favorite artists, and new ones, fully sober.]

Chapter 17: 

• Alcohol takes between 72 and 240 hours to leave the body. 

• Due to the lows of alcohol, a chemical is released that makes everyday joys less exciting. 

• “The more you drink, the more stressful your life becomes.”

• Alcohol only picks you up from how low the alcohol kicks you down. “You wouldn’t sit in poison ivy to experience the feeling of relieving an itch.” 

• Dopamine is the addiction molecule; it is the key to addiction. Dopamine is responsible for cravings. Dopamine is less enjoyable than we previously thought. 

• Wanting and liking are two different things. As craving and tolerance increases, enjoyment decreases. 

• Drinking alters your brain. Trying to decrease intake, the more you want it. 

Chapter 18: 

• We live in an alcohol-centric culture. 

• People frequently believe they are the odd one out, in feeling unable to control their drinking because of how normalized drinking is in our culture. 

• Quitting makes us feel like we will be marginalized from society. [Libby’s note: I felt this, when I chose to go sober.]

• Perception is reality. People have the perception that to let loose and be comfortable in social settings, they HAVE to have alcohol. 

• Drinkers pity non-drinkers, because they don’t want to admit to their own problem. 

Chapter 19: 

• “Addictive personality” is not a real thing. There is no certain link to addiction and personality, despite many studies trying to establish a connection. 

• We protect alcohol by blaming it on personality, versus the addictive nature of alcohol. Protect alcohol, blaming the person. 

• The people you’re around can affect how quickly you fall into the addiction to alcohol. 

• Alcohol addiction is a continuum. Anyone who drinks is on it. Some people, due to conditioning and experience, fall quicker and faster into dependency and addiction. 

• Anyone who already feels fear at the thought of never drinking again is already emotionally dependent. 

Chapter 20: 

• When you quit drinking, you may find that some friends aren’t genuine friends, and that some activities are no longer fun. [Libby’s note: I found this to be very true when I stopped drinking.]

• When you quit drinking, you find that you have a lot more energy and excitement for life. It’s easier to get up in the morning. 

• Nothing says “addicted” more than trying to prove that you’re not. 

• Being around drinkers and choosing not to drink can actually remind you of your freedom and power. 

• Alcohol is a known carcinogen. Society chooses to ignore this fact. 

• Bars are a literal shrine to alcohol. Beautiful presentation has a strong effect on our minds.

• Dopamine’s role is to ensure pleasure can be found again. This assists with becoming addicted to substances. 

• You can change your mentality; however, drinking just one drink of alcohol is like trying to knock down one domino in a big row of them.

Chapter 21: 

• This addiction steals our self-respect. 

• More people are addicted to alcohol than any other drug on the planet, yet you’re stigmatized, when you don’t use it. 

• It’s a testament to the addictive nature of alcohol, how strongly people react when you choose to not drink. 

• Nothing worth doing is completely easy. 

• “Alcohol in moderation” causes the drinker to obsess over alcohol. You become focused on meeting goals–while quitting removes the craving from your mind. 

• Alcohol is literally poison. 

• Our society separates drugs from alcohol despite its high addiction rate. 

• Moderation is like a diet you try to stay on, your whole life. 

• Realizing the societal conditioning about alcohol creates conscious awareness that helps you unlearn this conditioning. 

Chapter 22: 

• There’s no halfway, once you’re addicted. The problem with alcohol is that the brain does not simply “forget” it. Dopamine is the learning molecule. 

• To be strong enough to choose freedom, you must forgive yourself for each failure. 

• A single choice means freedom, and is easier on the psyche, than deciding daily.

• A single small choice made with all of your brain liberates you from relying on willpower.

• Wanting is NOT the same thing as enjoying.

• Awareness and acceptance. Awareness: you are emotionally/ physically dependent. You can’t fix an issue you don’t realize is there. Forgive yourself–you were deceived.

• Understanding the science of your behaviors and the truth about what alcohol does to your body and mind.

• Acceptance: decide to let go of attachment to alcohol by realizing it does nothing for you. You are killing your enemy, not losing your friend. Accept the truth that alcohol caused more pain than good. 

• Make fact-based decisions.

• Look honestly at your craving, identify where it’s coming from, and realize it’s not that intelligent to choose to drink.

• Today can be the first day of the rest of your life.

• With alcohol, ignorance is not bliss. You can have an amazing time without inebriating yourself. 

• Be happy!

Chapter 23: 

• Addiction is a war with the highest stakes imaginable. 

• We figure that if we fall off the wagon, we may as well blow out all the windows. 

• It is a mistake to believe that losing a battle is losing a war. 

• Forgive yourself when you make a mistake.

• Let your mistakes be reminders of your freedom.

• Alcohol does not define you. 

Chapter 24: 

• Love ourselves first, and then we can save the world. 

• When you try to suppress thoughts, you actually think about them more (Harvard study). 

• Helping others ultimately helps you. 

• Remove the pollutants, save yourself and pave the way for others.

I hope you enjoyed Libby’s review of This Naked Mind. Whoever she and I worked on this for, we truly hope you benefit from it, and read the book now. Thank you for your support of my Substack channel! And, please assume that some of the links I may share, compensate my small business.